A Letter to My Children

A few days ago I watched the reports of a young woman humiliating herself on television and it set my mind in motion.  As of the writing of this letter, I have one adult son who is in the military, one teenage son who is in high school, one six-year-old son in first grade, and one 9-month-old daughter who is just learning to walk and talk.  I'm proud of you all and love you more than my own life.  You are on my mind every day, even on those days when I don't seem to reach out to you the way I should.

I tried to choose an image from the singer's performance
that showed the inappropriateness, but was the least
crude in what it depicted.  This was the best I could
come up with.

After watching a video of this young pop star, I began to think about the condition of the world into which you will all one day find yourself released.  The moral codes, the political climate, the crime, the education, the economy... These are all things that concern a parent.  

I spoke to a young man with whom I work, and he made a statement that caught me off-guard for a moment.  In regards to the sexualized gyrations and skimpy clothing this young woman chose to display, he said, "Look, girls dress and act like that at clubs and bars all the time.  The only reason this is getting noticed is because there were cameras and media there."  It makes sense.  Her behavior didn't really shock young people.  It's us older people who are out of touch with the youth party culture who seem to be standing aghast at her antics.

Now, I spent some time in clubs.  But, that was years ago.  Things were a bit different then.  His comment made me realize just how far things have come since my earlier days.  

It's an age-old thing.  People who lack important life-nutrients always find ways of seeking those things out, even when they don't realize that's what they're doing.  Children raised without strong, loving, stable parents will find ways to seek acceptance that are often unhealthy.  It isn't a new phenomenon.  In this pop star's case, we see a girl who grew up with a semi-absentee father who (admittedly) wanted to be her friend rather than an authority figure.  She grew up lacking the leadership that comes from a healthy relationship with a father. 

Not only that, but this beautiful young girl grew up in an affluent family, surrounded by people who constantly told her how great she was.  It's the way Hollywood works.  We build people up to the point of ridiculousness, then we criticize their every move.  We celebrate their external aesthetic features rather than focusing on the inner qualities that make a person great.  It's a superficial, topsy-turvy process that leaves countless unprepared young people destroyed in its wake. 

You are my children.  You are my sons and my daughter.  I love you with every fiber of my being.  And because I love you, I have a few things to say.  I am not perfect, or always right, or the smartest man in the world.  I am not infallible.  Sometimes I blow it.  Sometimes I make a fool of myself.  However, here are some promises I make to you:

I'm not always going to tell you what you want to hear.  Though one of the greatest joys in my life is to see your smile, that joy is outweighed by the joy of seeing you make wise decisions.  Those wise decisions will cause you to experience long-term fulfillment and to have a solid reputation that will serve you well throughout your life.  So I might adamantly disagree with you.  Please understand that the starting point of any discussion we might have is I love you.  Those three words are the foundation of every conversation we have.  I would rather anger you by telling you the truth than to stand back and watch you walk headlong into an oncoming railroad train.  So, expect to be angry with me from time to time.  I promise, it's for your own good.

I promise you will never have to wonder if your father loves you.  I may not always be good at showing it, but I will do everything in my power to solidify the fact in your mind.  I would give up my life for you.  I want nothing more than to spend time with you and to see you live a happy life.  My entire existence is committed to helping you do better in this world than I have done.

I promise to always listen.  I know it might seem awkward to talk openly with your father.  I know your friends might not understand your ability and desire to unashamedly discuss things with your father, but I want you to know that you can.  I promise to let you say what's on your mind and heart, and actually think about things from your viewpoint before I respond.  I can guarantee it won't always be easy for me, but I will do it because what you have to say is important and does have validity.

I promise to not always let you have your way.  The old phrase "as long as you live under my roof" will be in full effect here.  You see, I bear a responsibility in the eyes of God to raise you to be godly adults.  Godly adults are not self-centered, materialistic, lazy, or disrespectful.  I've been all of those things at one point or another, but God has changed me.  My job is to model a godly attitude to my children and require godly behavior in my household.  

I promise to celebrate your achievements.  When you go above and beyond what is required of you, I will celebrate in ways that will be obvious and probably a little embarrassing. I won't throw a party every time you pass a class or every time you clean your room.  I will, however, make an absolute spectacle of myself when you demonstrate your skills, talent, fortitude, and passion.  People who are celebrated when they do their jobs rarely have an incentive to excel.  Not everybody who plays a sport is a winner.  Not everyone who shows up for work deserves a promotion.  It is when you put in extra effort and reach beyond the basic requirements of a situation that you can achieve greatness.  I will lavish you with praise when you do something honorable, difficult, selfless, or creative.  Do something that demonstrates the greatness within you.

I promise I'll always be there for you when things don't go your way.  Even when you've done what we all do, making dumb choices, I'll be there.  There is nothing you could possibly do that would stop me from loving you.  I will always stand ready to be a shoulder to cry on when your world crumbles.  I'm not just your dad when things are good.  I'm your dad.

I'm far from perfect.  I'm no superhero.  But I will move heaven and earth to be what you need in a father.

I want you to see that your value lies not in the performances you put on for other people, but in the character you display when no one is looking.  I want to show you that you don't have to lower yourself to others' standards in order to be accepted.  I want to teach you to be so connected to true love that you immediately recognize the myriad counterfeits the world will throw your way.  I want to point you to the Truth that comes from above rather than settling with the perceptions of man.

I love you and always will.

Dad