For Want of a Good Name

In Proverbs 22, God saw it fit to share with us this bit of wisdom: A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

We live in an age in which we are often weighed by many different measures. How we look. What we do for a living. How much money we have in the bank. What car we drive. The neighborhood in which we live. The list goes on and on.

We become so wrapped up in elevating our value in the eyes of others that we often become lost in the process. Small business owners work seven days a week, sacrificing family and friendships to achieve their version of success. Stay-at-home moms fret over whether their house looks just right or whether their children look and act a certain way in front of others.  Corporate workers scratch and claw their way to the top of a spiraling pool of thriving humanity in an attempt to achieve that next promotion or a mere acknowledgement from their supervisors. 

We all do it.  We spend our time selling ourselves for monetary gain, for status, or both.  

And we sacrifice so much of life in the process.

Some of that sacrifice is necessary, frankly, and to be commended.  No achievement is worthwhile unless tempered with perseverance and sacrifice. We applaud the kind of fortitude, dedication, and commitment it takes to achieve any true form of success in any field. It's often called drive, grit, or determination.

The problem becomes apparent when we lose track of what we will or will not do in order to achieve that subjective goal of "success."

I'm finding a large number of people who have fought and struggled to get to where they are in life, and who come across as genuinely good people, but who have buried their moral compass beneath layers of the sediment of societal expectations and/or personal ambition.  By becoming so focused on "success" they often begin to lose sight of the way they treat those closest to them, or compromise on the ethical standards they once held in high regard.

Many will make a public show of being loving and compassionate when they have an audience, or when they think it will bring them recognition or ultimate financial gain. I once knew a pastor who repeatedly drilled into his staff the WIIFM principal: What's In It For Me? He would not authorize a charitable outreach unless it drew attention to the name of the local church or to himself as the pastor, a practice that flies in the face of what Jesus described as true religion.  

My dad invested a lot of time in the ministry.  He worked his tail off trying to help people in any way he could.  He didn't always get the balance right.  When he was a young minister, he sacrificed his family in order to build the ministry.  He was good at touching people's lives, but he gave up large swaths of time with his family, because he thought that was what you had to do when you were called to minister to others.  As he grew older, he realized that God had called him to minister to his family first, and then to others in the church and community.  He revisited the balance between family connection and Christian service, a restructuring that made him far more effective in both arenas.

I've worked in corporations and small businesses. One thing I've seen a lot of is the compromising of one's core beliefs while trying to get ahead.  Climbing the corporate ladder is a nasty game, and often involves mistreating others to get to one's goal. Building a successful small business requires tough business decisions, steeped in prayer and wisdom. Sadly, those two key ingredients are often left by the wayside.

Basically, we are all working toward an ultimate end.  We all have goals and ambitions.  The question we have to ask ourselves is am I using or abusing people to meet my goals? You see, the current self-centered approach to life is not Christ-like and is not honorable.  Stepping on others in the process of achieving something is not a model of true success.  Sure, you might increase your retirement fund. Sure, you might have a more prestigious job. Sure, you might save some money here and there. But you are undermining your reputation and you are wounding people in the process.

Being an honorable person requires making tough decisions, sometimes counter-intuitive decisions. Honor requires being outward focused rather than inward. Honor requires putting other's well-being ahead of your own. 

Basically, if you talk a lot about how much you do for other people and how the people closest to you tend to turn their backs on you, there's a very good chance you've either unknowingly or carelessly wounded them. Stop talking about how much you do for others. Start focusing on the way you interact with those closest to you and those who depend on you. You see, it's easy to put on a show for those who view your life from a distance, making them think you are charitable and kind, while quietly wounding those in your inner circle with careless decisions or self-centered actions.

Sometimes people turn away because they cannot abide by the righteous life you've chosen. We all like to convince ourselves that's the case. More often, though, when people consistently turn away from us it's because we haven't treated them very well. Rather than placing all the responsibility for the loneliness of your path on those who forsake you, pay close attention to whether you have truly dealt honorably with them.

We are all driving rapidly toward an ultimate end. How will you be remembered? Ecclesiastes 7 tells us that a good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death is better than the day of birth. Will you die with a fortune or with a good name?  If you sacrifice one for the other, let it be wealth that is sacrificed. Beware, though, lest you surrender your good name in favor of money or community standing. Be honorable, and be remembered well.