Are You A Friend?

Years ago I was on the staff of a church. While I was there, the fine folks there often told me how much they loved me. They spoke so highly of our friendships and made me feel welcome.

It's always nice to hear that people love us. It's always nice to hear positive things. It's always nice to hear the impact we've had on lives. Though it's a violation of the unwritten code of humility in leaders, we actually like to hear those things. We're human.

The funny thing is, there came a time where I unexpectedly left that position of leadership in that church. I offered my resignation on a Friday evening and was conspicuously absent from the services on Sunday. Never went back.

Would you believe that, out of the hundreds of people who had--just days before--vociferously expressed their love for me, I was only contacted by one person wondering why I wasn't there anymore? One man came to visit me, tears in his eyes, asking me what was going on.

One person.

The rest? A few months later, one of them actually used the phrase in regards to me: "out of sight, out of mind."

I was hurt. I was angry. But, sadly, I wasn't surprised. I've been in church leadership for a very long time and I've seen this on multiple occasions. The misuse of the words love and friendship is all too common among the very people who should revere these words the most.

Recently, it's happened again on a smaller scale. It was someone I thought was much closer to me. However, when he stopped seeing me as a resource, just like the church in my past, he walked away.  He stopped reaching out at all. His answers when I'd contact him were abrupt, forced, and awkward. His wife became passive/aggressive and confrontational.

You see, the church loved me as long as I offered them something. So did my friend. In the church's case, when I was no longer there to lead them in worship, no longer a voice that connected with their emotions, they forgot about me, overnight. My friend saw me as a stepping stone to a position of leadership. He wanted me to act on the timeline of his choosing. When I didn't, suddenly his idea of God's will, and friendship, changed.

Again, I'm saddened by this behavior. I'm saddened by the shallowness of people's understanding of love, friendship, and of God's will and faith. However, I'm certainly not surprised by this behavior anymore.

"A friend loves at all times,  and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17