Everything Changes...

I'm sitting on my couch with my five-year-old stepson.  He's watching A Dolphin's Tale on DVD, wearing his Avengers pajamas and holding his lavender bunny.  I'm watching my wife.  She's lying on the loveseat deeply engrossed in whatever is on her cellphone's screen... probably Pinterest or something.  (Insert imaginary photo here.  You know, the photo that I just secretly took but am terrified to post without her permission.) Yep, she just texted me a photo she found on Pinterest.

It's moments like this that burn themselves into my mind with the intensity of white-hot steel, leaving indelible memories like the marks my old wood-burner left on pieces of pine during my youth.  These are memories cemented to my soul by the strongest adhesive ever--emotion.

My beautiful wife and I are expecting a baby.  She was actually due five days ago.  

This has been a rough pregnancy, with multiple trips to the emergency room and not a small amount of stress.    For the past week my wife hasn't been able to move the left side of her face due to the sudden onset of Bell's Palsy, adding substantially to Krystal's discomfort and stress.

Tomorrow everything changes.  Tomorrow the doctor will induce Krystal.  We're not sure how we feel about the induction, but considering some of the difficulties Krystal has been facing, the doctor thinks it's a good idea.

So, tomorrow we will finally meet our little Palin Nichole face to face.  Tomorrow will be her birthday, and my heart swells with the possibilities.  We've talked to her, sung to her, rubbed her back (or whatever was protruding from Krystal's abdomen) and prayed for her.  We're thrilled that she'll be in our arms by this time tomorrow.

I think about her future.  I think of how she'll look and the smell of her hair.  I think about how she'll drool as she grows and begins to teethe.  I think of her school years and boys and high school dances.  I think about the gift I will give her on her wedding day and the heart-rending pain in my chest as I walk her down the aisle to give her to her husband.

I think about our little family unit, and how it will never quite be the same.  I think about that beautiful lady on the loveseat and this great little boy beside me.  I think about my sons in Nevada, Adam and Isaac and the bridges that are being rebuilt there.

Everything changes.  Tomorrow marks not only Palin's first breath of fresh air, her first glimpse of light, or the first time we get to touch her skin.  It marks a paradigm shift in our family structure.  Everything we've come to see as "the norm" changes tomorrow.  

And I welcome it.  

I welcome her.

Palin Nichole Land

Leavin' On A Jet Plane... Well, actually a rental car...

So, I'm really excited!  I received an invitation to my oldest son's high school graduation in Reno, Nevada!  It's so tough for me to imagine my son being old enough to graduate!  He's already signed up for the Air Force, and will shortly be going into basic training.  I couldn't be more proud of him.

For those who don't know, I was divorced in 2000.  Since then, my regular contact with my sons has been far less than it should have been.  There were several factors in play, and I'm not here to delve into that situation.  It is merely my intent to say that I am actively working to repair the damage that time and distance have caused.  I love my sons, a fact that has never wavered.  I desperately want to be with them.  I am thrilled for the opportunity to be a part of this important day.

I recently made a plea to my online friends for help.  With the ongoing financial recovery from the time my mother had her stroke, and the unexpected expenses that came along with that, Krystal and I have been very tight on cash.  We've been surviving, but with just enough to pay our basic bills.  An unexpected trip across the country seemed beyond our reach.

I received overwhelmingly supportive response from my friends.  Some offered air miles and others offered cash for the trip.  I can't adequately express my gratitude for their generosity.  It was a bit humiliating asking for help, but the warmth with which most of them responded was mind-blowing.  I did have one person I had thought of as a friend accuse me of "begging for airfare" on the internet and use the occasion to question my worth as a man.  It was an interesting interaction that resulted in a parting of ways, but many of my friends were gracious.

I crunched some numbers and discovered that renting a car and driving the 3500 miles round trip will actually cost less than a round-trip ticket between Springfield and Reno.  Not only that, but this way, Krystal can travel with me!

We didn't have much of a honeymoon last August.  We had her son, Tiegen, with us and mainly stayed at home, taking only a couple of days to go camping.  (Sleeping in a very small tent with two adults and a four-year-old in 90-degree weather is anything but romantic!)  So, when I pitched the idea of a road-trip to Nevada, Krystal immediately saw it as an opportunity for some one-on-one time.  She arranged child-care for Tiegen, we arranged for my brother to come and pick up my mother for a couple of weeks, and started making plans.

So, tomorrow morning we head to the Avis counter and pick up our compact car to head west.  I'm excited about the trip and extremely grateful for the help we received in the process.  For those who offered air miles, I thank you.  It was kind and generous of you.  For those who offered money to make our trip more doable, I am very grateful.  Thank you.  Without your help, this wouldn't be possible.  For those who offered words of encouragement, you have warmed my heart.  I appreciate you all.  Please keep us in your prayers as we travel and as we visit with my sons.  My strongest desire is to have a solid relationship with my boys and to be a positive influence on their lives.

I'll be blogging throughout our trip, sharing photos and impressions along the way.  I hope you'll come along with us and comment on the blog entries.  This ought to be fun!

To the one who lambasted me for asking for help:  the next time you need help with anything, call me.  If I can assist you at all, I will.  And, even if I can't, I'll uplift you to the best of my ability.  Because, that is what good people do.

Peanuts on the airplane...

Life is about the destination, not the journey!

I know, that goes against the tide of contemporary teaching.  We are constantly told to stop and smell the roses, enjoy life, focus on today, etc.

All of that advice has some merit.  We should not just numbly stumble through life, oblivious to the blessings that come our way.  We should seek adventure and chances for personal growth.  We should touch as many lives as we can with the love and grace of God.

All of these things are true!

However, as I was driving to work today I heard a brief snippet from a speaker who mentioned that nobody enjoys a trip so much that they choose to stay on the plane rather than go to their destination.  Even when traveling "first class,"  the plane ride is a means of getting us somewhere.

So much of the teaching today has adopted the humanist approach to life.  According to their philosophies, we should not be concerned with our eternal future, but should be focused on the beauties of the day-to-day human experience.  We focus on the blessings that come our way during this life.  We zero in on what we can get out of life--business success, popularity, companionship, financial benefits.  One pastor with whom I associated used boast about "the favor of God."

I am not demeaning the blessings of God. He grants us what we need to have in order to live the lives He's called us to live.  I am grateful for the many blessings He's chosen to give to me.  I have a beautiful family, a comfortable home, a few close friends, a car, a job, etc.  Those things are in my life because of the unmerited favor of God and I am grateful.

But those things are the peanuts on the airplane!  They are given to us to make this journey easier and more comfortable.  They are given to us to help us accomplish the tasks before us.  Those blessings are not to be our goals! 

We often cling to those blessings as though they were the goal.  Like the Children of Israel hoarding the manna that God had provided, we expend so much energy and time seeking our definition of the blessings of God.  And, like the Israelites experienced, those hoarded gifts spoil and decay.  God's love and mercy are new every morning!  He provides us with what we need for life.  He expects us to work hard and trust Him for what we need.  But, much like the mentality of the four-year-old in my living room, we confuse what we want with what we need.  We are so eager to obtain the little pleasures of life that we lose sight of the destination He has set before us.

Our goal is to be with God.  Our goal is to seek Him.  Our goal is to spend eternity in a love relationship with the One who lovingly created us.  We are the Bride of Christ!  We are traveling toward the Marriage Feast!  Why do we get so wrapped up in the peanuts on the plane?