Watching Cars Go By

I haven't blogged in a while. Okay, a long while. Basically, life has been very busy, stressful, eventful, mind-blowingly full, etc. All the superficial excuses that have a hint of truth without letting you all in on too many details.

I just saw a post on Facebook from a friend who just unloaded about the stresses in her life. I can relate to almost everything she said. We all get to a point where the pressures and speed-bumps in life take their toll on our emotional well-being. It's overwhelming sometimes.

That started me thinking. I've always been a people-watcher. I'm the guy driving down the freeway next to you who watches you bee-bopping to your loud radio or arguing with your significant other or straining your back to swing at the kids in the backseat. I'm the guy who counts how many drivers are on the phone or texting during my commute to and from work.  I'm the guy who sits on a park bench, watching people walk by, wondering about their lives, trying to guess what they do for a living, etc.

We each live in our own sort of sphere. It's like our own little world where no one really knows what's happening but us. We control access to our little world. We allow others to see only what we want them to see. Sort of like Facebook. I have a two-year-old daughter. She's the most angelic, beautiful, loving child in the world... er... most of the time. But you will only see the good things about her on Facebook. I choose what to show you, and I know you aren't interested in the periodic tantrums, accidents, discipline, and such. You only want to see the cute stuff. The funny quotes, or the picture of her in her new dress.

We all do that to an extent. We put our best foot forward and show others an idealized version of ourselves. It's good to a point. Everybody doesn't need to know all of our woes and worries. But most of us go overboard in portraying a Norman Rockwell version of our lives, when in reality we might be facing extreme difficulties or anxieties.

It just struck me when I read that Facebook post I mentioned, that every one of us has a story. Every person you see is a complete story.  Think about this for a moment: You are driving to work and you see a perfectly fit young lady jogging down the sidewalk, wearing the latest athletic gear, white iPhone earbuds stuck in her ears, with a perfect stride. Or you see that person in the sixty thousand dollar Mercedes and the perfect hairstyle sitting next to you at a stoplight. You go to lunch at a fast-food restaurant and the frazzled girl behind the counter doesn't do something the way you'd like it done. You go to dinner and the server entertains you and makes your dining experience a very pleasant one. All of those people have their own struggles. Maybe that perfectly fit jogger in the fancy athletic gear just lost a parent to cancer. Maybe she's jogging to clear her mind because she's not sure how to cope with the deep sense of sadness and loss. Or the guy in the Mercedes with the cutting-edge hairstyle has come to a place where his life seems hollow and meaningless. He's realized that he's spent so much time focused on building his business that he's lost touch with anyone who might bring love and fulfillment into his life. Or the girl at the fast-food restaurant whose old beater of a car wouldn't start this morning, and she's not sure how she's going to get home after work because she can't afford to get it fixed. Or the server at the restaurant with the infectious laugh and pleasant demeanor who might have four children, two of whom are sick with a fever, but she can't take time off to be with them because she can't afford to lose any income.

We all get so wrapped up in our own issues and struggles that we cease to be aware that everyone's problems are every bit as real and every bit as important and every bit as all-consuming as ours.

Perhaps if we took a step back and just quietly watched the world around us... just watched the eyes of the people who silently pass through our view... just listened to the deep, almost silent sighs of the people with whom we interact... Maybe, just maybe, we'd be more understanding, forgiving, and gracious.

It's a lofty goal, but it can be done. Take a fresh look in the windows of the cars that pass. Look your server in the eye. Listen to the silence as much as you listen to the words... and be patient with one another. Be kind to one another.

Leavin' On A Jet Plane... Well, actually a rental car...

So, I'm really excited!  I received an invitation to my oldest son's high school graduation in Reno, Nevada!  It's so tough for me to imagine my son being old enough to graduate!  He's already signed up for the Air Force, and will shortly be going into basic training.  I couldn't be more proud of him.

For those who don't know, I was divorced in 2000.  Since then, my regular contact with my sons has been far less than it should have been.  There were several factors in play, and I'm not here to delve into that situation.  It is merely my intent to say that I am actively working to repair the damage that time and distance have caused.  I love my sons, a fact that has never wavered.  I desperately want to be with them.  I am thrilled for the opportunity to be a part of this important day.

I recently made a plea to my online friends for help.  With the ongoing financial recovery from the time my mother had her stroke, and the unexpected expenses that came along with that, Krystal and I have been very tight on cash.  We've been surviving, but with just enough to pay our basic bills.  An unexpected trip across the country seemed beyond our reach.

I received overwhelmingly supportive response from my friends.  Some offered air miles and others offered cash for the trip.  I can't adequately express my gratitude for their generosity.  It was a bit humiliating asking for help, but the warmth with which most of them responded was mind-blowing.  I did have one person I had thought of as a friend accuse me of "begging for airfare" on the internet and use the occasion to question my worth as a man.  It was an interesting interaction that resulted in a parting of ways, but many of my friends were gracious.

I crunched some numbers and discovered that renting a car and driving the 3500 miles round trip will actually cost less than a round-trip ticket between Springfield and Reno.  Not only that, but this way, Krystal can travel with me!

We didn't have much of a honeymoon last August.  We had her son, Tiegen, with us and mainly stayed at home, taking only a couple of days to go camping.  (Sleeping in a very small tent with two adults and a four-year-old in 90-degree weather is anything but romantic!)  So, when I pitched the idea of a road-trip to Nevada, Krystal immediately saw it as an opportunity for some one-on-one time.  She arranged child-care for Tiegen, we arranged for my brother to come and pick up my mother for a couple of weeks, and started making plans.

So, tomorrow morning we head to the Avis counter and pick up our compact car to head west.  I'm excited about the trip and extremely grateful for the help we received in the process.  For those who offered air miles, I thank you.  It was kind and generous of you.  For those who offered money to make our trip more doable, I am very grateful.  Thank you.  Without your help, this wouldn't be possible.  For those who offered words of encouragement, you have warmed my heart.  I appreciate you all.  Please keep us in your prayers as we travel and as we visit with my sons.  My strongest desire is to have a solid relationship with my boys and to be a positive influence on their lives.

I'll be blogging throughout our trip, sharing photos and impressions along the way.  I hope you'll come along with us and comment on the blog entries.  This ought to be fun!

To the one who lambasted me for asking for help:  the next time you need help with anything, call me.  If I can assist you at all, I will.  And, even if I can't, I'll uplift you to the best of my ability.  Because, that is what good people do.